These last few 2 weeks have absolutely been dedicated to shifting things around and finding that new balance.
With the excitement of transition and all of the new things — I will fully admit there have been a LOT of things that I have put on the back burner. As each day that passed – I realized that photography was taking that back burner. Something I found so much joy in – so much inspiration in – so much everything in — just wasn’t the same for some reason. I could be burnt out or still feeling the effects of transitioning to new ventures – but it hit me hard this past week.
I just can’t give up.
The countless hours of research and shooting. The rejections upon rejections. The drama. The hurt feelings. The moments of wanting to sell all of my gear and never pick up a camera again. The moments of sheer joy and bliss. The “a-ha” moments. And mostly…the pictures. The thousands upon thousands of pictures.
I just can’t give up.
But do you know what?! None of that negative crap that I have experienced along the way matters. Not any of it. If I never shared a photo ever again – it wouldn’t matter. Do you know why?! Because this is my body of work. This is my heart. This is a piece of my world. An extension of me. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing. It doesn’t matter if one person likes it or one thousand people like it. I recognized that it may have seemed like I was giving up on photography — but in all actuality — I am giving up on the chase, the want, the need for approval, the drama, the judgement and so on and so on.
Here is the thing – I know I am in a rut right now. I know that some days I am scrambling to pick up my camera and just snap something. I know the edits might not be spot on and that some of the photos are “less than.” But after years of chasing something that just wasn’t there – it is okay. In my heart, in the pit of my soul – I know I won’t look back at these photos and critique them for their faults – I know I will be thankful I took them in the first place.
I am not giving up – I am just redefining what I truly want and I have never felt better about it.
222/365 – You can feed me now. Thank you.
224/365 It was hot. So hot out. But he played the entire afternoon outside and drank 3 cups of water when we came in.
225/365 Organized chaos.
226/365 Office dweller.
227/365 Self portrait. Adam actually took this with the remote. I am printing it off…big.
230/365 Beach day.